Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Malcolm X Blvd Survival Guide

If you haven't figured it out by now...we kinda...maybe...sorta...live in the hood...Bed Stuy to be exact. And I must say it has been an interesting experience to say the least. I like my street...I like my brownstone...but I HATE walking down Malcolm X Blvd! (Side note: Has anyone ever figured out why every street named Martin Luther King Blvd or Malcolm X Blvd is super hood?!? No matter what city in America you're in!! I guess we forgot that fact when apt searching). I digress. Let me explain why I hate walking down Malcolm X:

  • Too many dudes try to talk to you

  • You endure various catcalls

  • None of the guys are worth your attention

    I guess it would be completely different if an attractive, stable man with a respectable job attempted to get your attention in a respectable manner...but that hasn't happen to me yet. Lol. Just to give you a little more insight into our world...here are a few typical interactions:

  • "Ay...lemme holla at you fo a minute" *Yes I used "fo" instead of for*

  • "Scuse me...scuse me...you gotta man? *Yes I used "scuse" instead of excuse*

  • "Oh you ain't got time to talk to me?!? Well f*** you too den...you ain't even dat cute!

  • "Ay...I like yo hair!" *I guess this isn't bad...but when they give you "the look" and do a little mouth motion...the compliment is completely lost. Lol.

    My favorite is when the guys in cars ask you to come to the car to talk to them. No sir...what do I look like walking up to a man in a car?!? I'm in school for jewelry design...not prostitution! The "nicer" guys will speed up, park their cars, and start walking beside you pleading their case. My most hated involves anytime they try to touch me to get my attention...I don't care if its my arm or the shoulder of my jacket...DO NOT TOUCH ME!!

    Keep in mind, I don't mind walking in the winter because hardly anyone is outside trying to bother me!! LOL. So let me give you my Spring/Summer rules for survival. (Note: these rules can be applied in Brooklyn, Harlem, and I guess Queens. I never go to Queens but try it *shrugs* OH...and for my Cleveland folk try it on St. Clair, Kinsman, and Buckeye...for my Dallas folk...try it in Oak Cliff! LOL)

  • You absolutely MUST have your earphones with you at all times! This makes you unapproachable. And believe me...you want to be unapproachable over here! Sometimes I have earphones in even when I'm not listening to anything. Then when you ignore them and they approach you anyway, you can say 'huh?!? huh?!? I can't hear you!" lol. *But this is most effective when your music is loud enough for them to hear*

  • My new favorite line is "nu uuuuuh! nu uh! I'm talking to my MOTHER!" 90% of the time they'll leave me alone if I say this! *Hey Ma!*

  • Huge "you can't see me" Sunglasses are great because you can act like you can't see them...and paired with the earphones you can't "hear" them. I LOVE to act like I'm invisible in the hood.

  • If they break through the barriers, you can listen for a bit and say "It was nice meeting you...I'll see you around". Surprisingly, this is usually received pretty well! Then if you see them again...give a little smile...not TOO inviting though!

  • You can say "I'm in a rush"...this tactic is hit or miss.

  • The "I have a boyfriend" line hasn't worked for me lately. The usual response is "You can't have friends?!? You ain't married!"

  • This brings me to a suggestion I haven't tried yet...wear a fake engagement ring. I seriously contemplated this...its a really bold tactic. And I've seriously tried on a few at my local cheap jewelry stores just in case I decide to go for it! But knowing these fools...that won't work. Lol.

  • I've also thought about this one but haven't tried...purposely make your face look ugly (momentarily of course). You could...make yourself look slow? You could mess up your makeup so you look super crazy? You can start to walk with a limp? You can start talking to yourself really loudly? Hmmm...Idk. This could probably be hit or miss. As you may have read from me or Jamee...even when you think you look absolutely horrid...someone will try to talk to you. Smh.

  • Also, any of these tactics can be used in conjunction with my favorite: Hoping on the B46 at Utica (or your local bus). This is probably pointless if you have to go less than 5 blocks. I have to go 8 blocks...so its def worth it for me! And today officially started my consistent bus riding season!

    These are my go-to options for avoiding street harassment...they work completely sometimes and only partially sometimes. Lol. Smh. But most of all...its uber important to be nice to these guys...you def don't wanna get snatched up!! Remember...some of them don't mind going back in...LOL.

    I couldn't end this post without talking about a few of the decent things in my immediate hood:

  • You can get fried chicken at any time of night! And its cheap! (Hello high blood pressure, diabetes, and whatever other disease that afflicts minorities most)

  • Our brownstone is nice! Right now Im sitting on the stoop...and I think this will be my new thing for the summer.

  • Ice cream trucks...I love how the hood always has ice cream trucks in the summer. Actually as I was writing this post sitting on my stoop, my next door neighborhood (who I have never met) asked me if I wanted something from the truck. Isn't that sweet?!?

  • There's a corner store on every corner...and a lot of them are open 24 hrs (via the tiny window). If you ever come home after the club and need a snack...you can just stop on your way home! There's a new corner store by the train station that has one of my fav juices!! (Simply Lemonade-Raspberry Lemonade)

  • Magic Soul Food: There's a cool little soul food spot down Malcolm X...like seriously good! I love to get the macaroni and cheese and the collard greens! Yum yum!

  • I'm sure I'll love even more as we get more into summer...from what I hear...Brooklyn is pretty aight in the summer. We shall see.

    Staying thug-less in Bed Stuy,

  • Its the Little Things..

    As I laid in bed last night tossing and turning with my small personal fan blowing lukewarm air on me, it suddenly hit…… I miss having ac!!! That fresh feeling of getting out of a warm shower and slipping into a nice cool, cold bed…. ahhhh the memories! Seeing as how the weather is still mild, (I'm STILL wearing freaking sweaters or light jackets) and I’m already yearning for ac I don’t know what I’m going to do when it gets Texas hot!  Please feel free to drop a note on this post with information in regards to donations cause I will definitely need to purchase a window unit.

    On that note I started having flashbacks of all the things I missed….. yes at 12am… I even woke up to write them down so I wouldn’t forget.

    1.       Air Conditioning units
    2.       Pam my eye brow groomer (I've mentioned her before, but she will always and forever be near and dear to my heart. Yes, eye brows are that important. However, I’m learning to like Megha she’s my new lady at the threading place.
    3.       Fast food chains such as: Chick-fil-a, Grandy’s, Steak n Shake, Sonic, Panda Express, Taco Bueno, Pei Wei and others. Honestly I miss all fast food chains….Call me crazy but, I don’t trust the fast food here, even from well known chains and the food just doesn’t quite taste the same. Many natives have told me that when they leave NY they are surprised at how much better the food at places such as Mcdonalds or Burger King tastes.
    4.       Driving in a car
    5.   Speeding
    6.       Seeing the sky-the buildings are so tall that most times I don’t really get to see how nice of a day it is unless I make it a point to look up.
    7.       Being able to wear heels at all times w/o having to worry about what bag can easily fit flats in them
    8.       Grass
    9.       Trees
    10.    Heat
    11.    Wal-Mart
    12.  Going home and taking a nap on my lunch
    13.  Quick Trip
    14.  Leaving 10min before work instead of an hour
    15.  The Rickey Smiley Morning Show

    And of course I miss all you guys and gals family and friends . Well that’s all for now


    Monday, May 16, 2011

    More Train Debaucheries

    Ill try and make this one brief, but I had to tell you guys what happen on the train Friday night....

    So Friday night Dani and I decided to go hang out with some friends in Harlem. P.s. the nights are starting to stay somewhat warm, I can now wear a light jacket instead of a scarf AND a jacket *happy dance* as usual I digress... So any way, we make our way down lovely Malcolm X blvd (why is there always a street named after a honorable African American in the hood?) and to our surprise there was NOBODY do you hear me NOBODY outside!! Now if you guys follow Dani and I on Twitter you would know how we are always talking about the shenanigans that take place on our escapades down the block. But for some odd and strange reason there was not a soul outside :-s.... Any who, we make our way to the train and prepare for our 45 min train ride... All is going smoothly until two "happy" guys get on the train. They were visibly drunk and look to be having a grand time. Side note: I have been looking for a "happy" guy friend for the longest and these two fellas looked like they had potential! They were so cute, stylish and outgoing. (Don’t ask why I want a happy bff, they just seem to be cool and could bring laughter to my life and we all know I loves to laugh!) So yea back to the story… The two guys who I’m going to call Ren and Stimpy were just laughing and kiking it up on the train. At this point they were sitting away from us, but we could hear them as they talked to two other ladies who looked like they were about to paint the town red. The girls get off the train and Ren slaps one of the girls on the thigh and tells her "You betta werk them shorts gurl" and as she exits  the train he turns to Stimpy and says, “Gurl she was wearing those shorts w/ her big a$$, OK!” They then look over to me and Dani, and Ren says, "Gurl I love those fuchsia shoes!" and to Dani "I love your hair gurl!" They then move and come sit directly across from us… Ren and Stemp begin to tell us where they are going and come to find out we stay in the same neighborhood. They tell us they are going to "G lounge" and its a club where "Industry Gays" go. Industry gays you might ask? "You know models, photographers, etc" as they put it. At this point things are looking good they look like they just might be the right candidates to be our bffs. But here is where the story gets interesting... so we arrive at the stop in which they were getting off, we say our goodbye’s, and as they are standing for the train to come to a stop I see Stimp pull out a small container of some sort and pours a line on his hand. I’m sure the look on my face was nothing short of pure shock as I kept trying to get Dani to look. Stimpy appeared to snort a line of coke right before my very eyes!!!! I'd never seen such things in all my  life, let alone on the darn train! Ren notices what Stimpy is doing and says,  “Gurl you better not do that crap in the club"... Stimpy then fixes his nostrils and they hop of the train. At that very second I turn to Dani and say OMG DID YOU SEE WHAT JUST HAPPEN?! (to some this may not be shocking but where I’m from these things aren’t the norm so shoot me) She says no what, and just then Stimpy hops back on the train and says you should call me and begins to shout out his number! Gotta love the train J

    Yea so I lied, I tried to make it short but it didn’t quite happen...bite me :-p


    Wednesday, May 4, 2011

    Train Debauchery

    For starters we all know I  hate ridging the train, but I’ve learned to deal with it and it sure beats having to pay both arms and 3 legs (yours and first born’s) for gas. Now what started as a usual Tuesday commute turned into something that took me by surprise....

    I arrive at the station at 7:16ish—just in time for the 7:18 A train. (Yes I’ve timed it...) For some reason it was late and the next one didn’t come until 7:24. Despite knowing I was going to be late for work,  I was more so upset that I didn’t get to hear the 7:18 train conductors smooth operator voice. (side note: I swear the guy sounds like he should be on late night radio! His voice is so smooth and sexy like! Picture this, "Good Morning ladies and gentleman welcome to the A train experience." and when leaving the train he says: "Have a blessed and wonderful day. Don’t let it be cold out, he says: Have a safe warm and wonderful weekend." I’m convinced he once worked in radio.) Any who I digress.... So the train leaves and since I know if I leave anytime past 7:21 it’s inevitable that I’m going to be late. As expected the train was PACKED, I stood there cheek to cheek with a ladies who’s hair smelt like fresh cocoa butter (yes I was that close). Annoyed, I looked over to notice a guy demonstrating one of my many pet peeves—Pet Peeve #124: When people get on a packed train with a HUGE back pack and keep the darn thing ON! I mean seriously,  we are already close, and here you are with this huge backpack bumping folks left and right. So I kindly nudged away at the gentleman until he got the point to either take it off, or move away from me.

    We finally arrive at the first stop and only a handful of people get off, then what appears to be a homeless man begins to enter the train. Nothing against homeless people, but quite frankly  I wasn’t  in the mood for any possible smell he may be bringing, or any foolishness that may ensue. However, after further inspection and an inevitable smell test, he wasn’t homeless or at least he didn’t smell to be. He rummages his way through the crowd and makes his resting stop right alongside yours truly. Ok fine, I had my headphones on and was ready for the stop in which I knew the majority of people would get off.....so as we're riding, I’m getting sniffs of coca butter, jamming to some Chris Brown and all of a sudden I notice that the fake homeless guy is closing in on me! At first I thought nothing of it b/c like I said it was a packed train, so I figured he was standing there cause he had no choice. But then I noticed every time I tried to move he moved with me... getting completely irritated and feeling disgusted I turned around to see him literally standing directly behind me with enough room behind him in which there was no reason he should have been that close. I felt soooo disgusted and automatically knew he was just trying to get a free feel. Luckily for him we were arriving at a stop and he got off. Maybe because he noticed the look in my eye when I turned around and gave him the stinkiest stink eye he had ever seen and was about to tell him something real nasty! Long story short was the bum was trying to get a free feel and it made me feel absolutely disgusted ewwwww. Maybe I’m getting claustrophobic or something but I just cant take a packed train!

    P.s. I just realized this story was so unnecessarily long but hey I can be long winded at times. Sorry J

    ok bye!

    Monday, May 2, 2011

    April Showers Brings May Flowers

    Hey Kiddies , so after that good March run of posts, I slipped back to my old habits and stopped posting but don't worry I'm alive. Nothing to specific nor exciting to share in this post just a lil something something...the weather has been warming up slowly but surely but all the rain is making me feel like I'm back in Houston! For those that don't know in Houston it rains all THE time, but then the sun comes out and the humidity makes it  feel nothing short of how I'm sure hell must feel.

    In case you were sitting at home curious as to what my dating status is.. You should know I'm still single and ready to mingle, however sometimes I find myself wanting a full time boo. Dani keeps telling me I'm going through a phase, and although I know shes right, for the month of April at least 10 of those days I've had the urge to want the one word that brings sheer anxiety to my heart --->a boyfriend :-/ ... I shortly come to, and rem NY is no place for a relationship........ I still need to do my  post on dating, but I'm leaving it for the summer because I have this weird feeling something interesting is bound to happen. Well something interesting already happen but I cant speak on it, someone should ask Dani about it! *insider* hahahaha

    As referenced in a previous post from Dani we are starting a T-shirt line....I know your probably thinking what?! A tshirt line. But yes a T-shirt line, Dani and I have spent countless hours coming up with get rich ideas and formulating plans on how to not work for the "man". So we've finally decided to take the training wheels off and get the ball rolling. Life is to short to always plan but never execute. The concept is still coming together so we will keep you guys posted! #M2bF is all I will share for now :)

    Well like I said this post really has no grand story to it, just thought I stop by show my face and share some random pics I found in my phone. You should know once again I have no camera....(dropped it in SAND and the lens got stuck....I'm gonna send it in for repair and hopefully it can be salvaged)

     showing my face as promised :)
     Rain Bonnets are no longer just for the elderly....
     Found in my bed the morning after a night out....they say eat bread to soak up the alcohol....hey I tried
     Dude da' Bunny........My how Easter times have changed
     Penn Relays 2011...that's my girl Gloria Asumnu on first leg for USA blue! So far away but you get the point
     A rare sighting at Mickie D's..Barbecue and Sweet and Sour sauce in a dispenser!
     All we were missing was our freeze cup...haha
     A small piece of heaven on earth
     The Bestie and I in Miami